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Day 1: Wow, this really sucks.

Day 2: It’s almost over. I can just about stomach this zucchini soup.

Day 3: Do I really have to wait until the day is out to have that hamburger, fries and glass of wine… I mean, it will be in my body within 24 hours… what wait, I’m starving now!!

That’s about the gist of it. My 3 day synergy cleanse as it were actually called. (And when you really think about it, I’m not sure why they chose the word synergy since a quick search sent me to this definition, “The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effect.” Let me guess, this is some mind/body spiritual reference that is intended to create a zenful harmony between peace of mind and acceptance of body, creating within me a beauty that I can feel from the inside out, thus, eliminating all bad feelings I have about me, my body and my life. Right? I really do love the spiritual world. It must be such a happy place to live. Really. It must. Much better than my cynical world 😉

So $165 later, I’m left with the knowledge that I loathe deprivation, I snack waaaaay too much (I could NOT believe how many times I walked into my kitchen during my baby’s nap time—it was like the earth’s gravitational pull emanated from my fridge and I was powerless against it, rotating around and around my apartment, each pass landing and stopping briefly in front of it only to remember that I’m enjoying a cleanse), and that I do not eat enough veggies. (Well I actually already knew that so maybe that’s why I thought the whole synergy thing would be good for me in the first place.)

It wasn’t. I haven’t learned anything new except that I’ve realized that in order to get a veggie smoothie in lower Westchester you have to go to Big Apple Smoothie in White Plains, (which totally sucks in terms of getting there, navigating the city-like traffic, and finding parking), order a small that comes in a humunga styrofoam cup that could double as a dunce cap (obnoxious!), deal with the aloof counter crew and wait (waaaaaaaaaiiitttt) as they prepare your veggie smoothie, complete with sugar-water. (I swear it had to have been sugar-water, the damn thing tasted so good and I’m sorry but kale, lettuce, spinach, celery and almond milk do NOT taste THAT good without a little help!) But that defeated the whole purpose.. I didn’t want added sugar!

Alas, after three days I’m left with nothing more than my trusty Nutri bullet, my fridge (which my life revolves around apparently) and the realization that three day cleanses are nothing more than three days of taking stock of how I really eat 362 days of the year.

So long Bog Apple Smoothie, I've got my trusty Nutri Bullet that makes smoothies that aren't as yummy tasting, but isn't that the point??

So long Big Apple Smoothie, I’ve got my trusty Nutri Bullet that makes smoothies that aren’t as yummy tasting, but isn’t that the point??

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